So the fire escape in my apartment has this sign up on every floor and I can't help but wonder what the point of calling the police is, like are they gonna do a forensic test or...

summertime sadness

It's kinda crazy to know that I'll be graduating from high school next week. The idea that I'll be finished with twelve years of waking up early primary education hasn't really dawned on me yet. I don't have to go to school this week except for graduation rehearsals, so I'm in this weird limbo state where I have absolutely nothing to do after noon. On weekends filled with last minute research papers the one thing I'd keep wishing for was more time, but now I'm suddenly left with so much free time it scares me. After getting out early from rehearsal at 10am and buying milk at Safeway, I headed straight for home and even though I know there are a bunch of little tasks I need to finish like completing my housing app for college and mailing a letter, for some reason, I felt like I didn't have any purpose. And I'm usually home alone so I'm used to solitude but this time around I had this hopeless feeling of emptiness and, though I wasn't physically tired, I just ended up going to sleep until evening. I realize that I tend to get this way a lot as summer approaches, and if I allow myself to, I end up - for lack of better terms - feeling really sad and depressed. (I say feeling because I hate using 'depressed' to describe myself, so I'm trying to mitigate it a little by making it sound like a temporary mood rather than a potential condition, and I also don't want to indirectly belittle anyone who is going through depression.) I'm probably one of the few people I know who don't look forward to summer, and it's because of the really dislikable person I become. After spending weeks in general solitude I end up forming really bitter and cynical thoughts about people who are close to me - people who the better part of me appreciates and would never have a bad thought about - for no rational reason at all. And I'd just end up sleeping over twelve hours every day, and I'd keep feeling tired so I'd sleep more until I'd be even more tired, repeat. Two summers ago, during a time when I could not care less about my future or school, my life would revolve around my computer and whatever MMO game I had found myself addicted to. Every day I would sleep at 5am and wake up at 3 in the afternoon. There was no future to me. I indulged and lived for the present, but you can't even really call it living because I was investing in something virtual, my life on the screen. At the time I hated the person I had become, but now I only have sympathy for the person I was before. I made sure that I'd be so busy these past two years that I wouldn't even have time to allow myself to sink down to that stagnant state where my lack of progress would incur self-hatred, something which fed on my will to live and my will to achieve. Now, as summer approaches, I'm beginning to feel worried about whether I will fall back into that depressing hole again. But then I remember all the crazy achievements I've made in the past two years, and all the great people I've had the luxury of getting to know better - including friends who I didn't think I could appreciate even more - and I know that I'll be fine because this time around I have things I want to accomplish for myself, and goals that I want to see myself fulfilling. I know that this time I'll have people who care about me who support me, but more importantly, I care about myself. I have purpose, and for now that's enough to keep me going.

stuff i bought recently

I finally convinced my mom to go thrifting with me which is kind of a miracle because she really dislikes the notion of being poor that comes with buying secondhand clothing (even though half of our furniture is from Goodwill heh). Another pair of eyes is really better than one when it comes to thrifting especially if it's my mom's because she has something like a sixth sense for flaws and durability of clothes... moms...

There's nothing wrong with finding good, inexpensive clothes that were worn by others before (okay I put back a Buzz Lightyear t-shirt because it had a sweat stain under the armpits that even Goodwill's holy bleach couldn't remove but that's usually not the case!!) and I would wish that some people could get over that thinking.. but that would mean less treasures for me heh..

We were actually on our way to buy coconut juice in San Jose when we stopped en route at the stores. (I've been drinking a can like every day.) The Goodwill at San Mateo is the most organized one I've seen so far. Everything was organized by color and size which saved me a lot of time and trouble.

This top kind of reminds me of a schoolgirl outfit though without the skirt it looks more like a waitress's top hehe. There are cushiony pads underneath the shoulders and I'm guessing they're there to make my shoulders look more sharp so sharp it could puncture the hull of an empire class Fire Nation battle ship, leaving thousands to drown at sea because.. it's so sharp.

Not really sure what to wear it with but it looks fine without a skirt too.

This silk blouse is a little big on me so I needa wear something over it to avoid looking like I forgot to change out of the other half of my pajamas. Really like the emblem-like print. I feel like some preppy kid wearing this lol.

I got this summer dress at Ross for 8 dollawrz... I thought the pattern was so cool, kinda like a Persian carpet. 

I'm really bad at this description thing. I swear there is a valley girl trapped inside me because I can't seem to stop starting every sentence in my mind with, "I totally had to get it because so-and-so-reason and it's really cool because I get to use it to wipe my ass later wait wut." Anyway, I'm not actually a crazy fan of the nerd Domo which is my least favorite version of him, but this USB hub looked pretty practical and looks like a decent conversation starter (a requirement I always ask myself before buying things that aren't clothes/shoes... no, even then it occasionally applies.) My mom is part of this rewards program at Best Buy so she gets this $10 coupon to use at the store.. Maybe I should've gotten a bunch of gum instead.. 

Then I find out the 2.0 on the back of the box means it's not compatible with my iPod cable and I have no idea what else I could use it for so now it just sits there all day mocking me ... fk.

My mom found this shirt when we were at Goodwill and said it was cute so I should add it to the basket. I fervently agreed with her recommendation because it's absolutely relatable and appropriate given the people I've had the misfortune of meeting during my life... Of course, she wouldn't have suggested it had she known what the words meant heheh...

Thrifting

My phone does this thing where it autocorrects 'thrifting' into 'thrusting' so my friend was understandably confused when I asked her if she wanted to go thrusting with me.

I've been wanting to go thrifting again for a while now, especially since I loved my last thrift finds. However, I keep giving myself a reason to stay home on weekends and the thought of clothes shopping alone is a bit terrifying for me. I finally grew some balls got some motivation to thrift when I watched clothesencounters's thrifting videos on YouTube. (Jenn is so pretty!) She must either have a talent for this or she's just really lucky to have a Goodwill supplied by trendy donors @_@ Conveniently, everyone happened to be busy today (tf could you be busy doing on a Saturday... bitches) so I just went alone. Mind you, besides not bringing more money I have no regrets.

Goodness in Goodwill

I don't even understand why or how anyone would want to part with these lovely clothes. I was determined to spend no more than $25 (all I brought with me) so it was an internal battle with my desires and frugalness when I stumbled upon all these abandoned treasures.. They were all so cheap too! :'( *my first world woes*

Top-right dress was so cute but too big and small at the same time so it kept slipping down and it was so unreasonably tight and unstretchable at a tiny circumference under my chest (panicked and contemplated on asking the staff lady for help getting out of it when I got stuck in an awkward position) so I thought it'd be more work than it's worth. 

My original intention was to find myself a cheap kiddy watch so I could keep track of time while taking the SAT and totally not because of a personal fashion choice or anything. However, I ended up leaving with two dresses (one is the gorgeous rose print dress on the lower left).

Edit: I ended up going back with more money... I'm a hoarder in-the-making! T__T

Classy used tissue is classy.

This neutral brown petite Ann Taylor Loft dress isn't something I'd usually wear.. but then again, what I usually wear isn't what I usually want to wear. At school I'm usually in a hoodie/thick jacket and skinny jeans (or a skirt on rare occasions) because I feel no need to pretty myself up much when I'm just trying to learn about the Holocaust or trigonometric identities... I save dat for the young weekendz. I thought this dress was so sophisticated (wtf Elle tryna be a fashionista doing fashionista talk) and I love pleats in skirts/dresses so I had to get it despite the price which hindered me from buying more lovely clothes on my first pilgrimage to Goodwill. 

This dress received the mother approval because it's the first one I own where I don't look like a 'con đĩ' (whore) wearing it. Until this thrifting trip I had only two black dresses which I would save for special events (nonexistent with my social life). 'Pretty slutty' would be an understatement for one of them; if I bent down the slightest I would risk mooning someone unintentionally and the revealing back made me feel like a languidly wrapped mummy. The dress was a gift from a girl who wanted me to wear it to a New Year's telly (which I would later learn was a hotel party where I ended up being surrounded with a bunch of strangers all older than me - girls in tacky bunny lingerie, dudes getting high on the balcony, wasted guy taking a piss in the bathroom with 10 other people in the same room including myself). Needless to say, that was the last time I ever wore it... but I digress *u*

This floral print dress fit me perfectly. Again, I don't understand how people can part with clothes like these.. The rose print is gorgeous and the colors are so vibrant; it's like a work of art I could hang on my wall. This is a change from my other monochrome dresses. The dress wraps around me perfectly without suffocating me. I also love that there are little straps so I don't have to worry about unintentionally giving people the idea that I want my jerry beads. Another plus is that it has pockets!! *O* Pocketsssssssss. For $7.49 I can't believe how lucky I am to be the one to bring it home. 

I always wanted a denim jacket (I want everything lol T_T) and this one was super warm! Inside the jacket is an unattractive knit layer of pink, orange, and white (atrocious colors to combine) stripes that kind of ruins the subtle badassness that comes with wearing a denim jacket, but it helps keep me warm and at the price of $8 I can't be one to complain.

Look at those spines!!

I didn't expect to leave with books of all things, but this Goodwill had such a huge collection of vintage  hardcovers. I could've spent days going through books written by Charles Dickens, books on algebra and self-teaching mathematics (which were actually interesting ok!!!), and a plethora of other books on neat subjects like law vs. morals. Even at the cost of $5.49/book, I didn't feel like I was ripped off because these are vintage!! VINTAGEEEE D8 Owning a vintage book makes me feel like I've been passed down a valuable possession or am the keeper of a century-long secret. (I sound senile) @_@ 

Thinking Special Topics in Calamity Physics was a purely academic book I just shoved it into my basket. The table of contents also fooled me, but according to its wiki page the ToC is actually 'written in the style of the syllabus for an English Literature course and includes references as footnote'. Neaaaat. I also love that the protagonist is a female; I'm not sure how this preference came to be but it may have something to do with being able to relate more with the character or just the fact that until The Hunger Games I've been deprived of good stories involving a protagonist with a vagina for once.

Cure for a bad case of edumacation.

High School Self Taught immediately caught my attention with its regal spine. The whole idea of learning at least four years of high school from a single book was funny to me and so it was kind of fitting that I bought it because I don't really learn much at my high school anyway. The book gives a basic overview of the fundamentals in a bunch of subjects like physiology, sociology, mathematics, and even beginner French. There's something about the font that I really like (font fetish) as well as the brown tint at the edge of the pages that form a kind of vignette from aging. 

I spent a total of about $38, seems like a hefty cost but I'm really content with all my finds. The great thing about Goodwill (aside from the thrill of never knowing what you may find) is the fact that it's tax-free! Plus, knowing that your money goes directly to charity to help provide jobs and job trainings for people in need is always a good feeling. I'm such a cheap samaritan. 

As I'm finishing this blog post I have the temptation to go back and scavenge for more treasures.. Must resist becoming a hoarder... *__*

4/20

Today, H took me to the Ice Cream Bar in Cole Valley (aka 'vile' valley in autocorrect). H always takes me to these super cool places I've never been to in San Francisco (even though I've lived here for almost eight years). Last time, H took me to the Tango Room and it was such a magical experience. You would never have guessed that a place like this could be hidden under the Fairmont hotel. With its artificial rainstorms (punishment from The Angry Tiki Gods), little lanterns, swimming pool-turned-lagoon, delicious food, and lovely music the Tonga Room was really hard not to enjoy, even while knowing that H insisted on paying for everything! 

Found these cute erasers at a vintage shop called Tantrum. The mischievous faces on these immediately reminded me of someone so I'm gonna give them to her since her birthday's coming up hehe.. I liked them so much I bought another box for myself.

Even the packaging is so cuute.

H bought me a copy of The Great Gatsby. Hopefully I finish it by the time the movie comes out!

slow saturdayz

Black Friday

It was my and C's first Black Friday outing! Neither of us had ever gone out and waited in line at midnight. The idea was so exciting to me; I was tired of hearing how much fun everyone had outside on Black Friday every year. So when C called and said she wanted to sleep over at my place and go Black Friday shopping w/me at midnight I was really stoked.

C playing with Dinner (￣∇￣)

I didn't bring my camera since I was gonna be shopping and for other self-explanatory reasons hehe... Honestly I was a bit intimidated after seeing all these YouTube vids of Black Friday fights and my mom was constantly reminding me of what happened to that one dude at Walmart a few years ago. Luckily the night went smoothly and we both brought back cute stuff <3. We ended up coming back to my place at 4 in the morning.

C and I were one of the first people in line at Gap so when it finally opened we immediately went to grab some of the highly advertised sweaters.

Beige sweater: $27 (originally $45, Gap price is cray.)
Gap had a bunch of sweaters on sale and this creamy beige one stood out from the other neon pink and yellow ones they had on the pile. The receipt says it's called a plaited dorito sweater... idek.

Lavender sweater: $12.50 (wasn't on sale ;__;):
My wardrobe is pretty much monotone (it's not my fault black looks so nice!) so I shopped with colors in mind. This sweater was from the old Forever 21 in front of the cable car turntable. (idk why they have two within a block of each other....) I really like pastel shades and this lavender color was so pretty&cute&feminine.. all the things I'm not T.T

After Gap, we went to the new Forever 21 across the Apple store, where I splurged most of my money. We were early enough to get one of those scratch-off coupon cards and mine was 10% off (better than nothing *^*)

Geometric Tassel Scarf: $3.50 (originally $6.50)
Liked the pattern and colors; also further justifying my money usage by saying winter's approaching and I need something to keep me warm in this bipolar San Francisco weather. @u@

Rhinestoned Heart Bow Ring: $2.52 (originally $2.80)

I love love love rings. Maybe I'll do a post about my ring collection so far. I get emotional when I look at all my shinies at once...  Anyway, this was a really cute ring so I had to get it. When buying rings from stores like Forever 21 I get really wary about it rusting and changing colors, so I just paint a few coats of clear nail polish on the areas where it touches my skin. I like to think it works (it's like with anti-wrinkle cream, it's a preventative measure @^@) Also, my mom painted these Hello Kitties on my thumb nails (´ ▽ `)

Navy Skirt w/Burgundy Belt: $14.22 (originally $15.80)
The XS skirt turned out to be a bit tight on me so I went back the next day and asked for an S sized one and they said they had run out. Okay, no big deal, they had a similar one for a lower price. I explained my dilemma to the cashier and was about to exchange it, then she told me I couldn't return it because I had already used a coupon (the 10% scratch-off card).  I could tell she was sincerely apologetic so I didn't make a big deal of it. <__> Ugh, Forever 21! You sell such cute stuff but your return policy is evil.

Luckily my mom tailored it for me to make it fit(!!!) There's something about a skirt's pleats that I really like....

The haul doesn't end heeeere. 

After a 5-hour recovery rest at my haus, C and I continued our shopping adventure at Stonestown. At this point we were really low on money (lol.. prolly spent about $90 by now, including caffeine and late-night snacks.)

I spent the little money I had left at Skinfood. (Ofc, C helped me pay.. I was that broke!! $.$) 

Fresh Apple T-U-Zone Balance Mask Sheet: ($5.50)

I have oily skin (wish I didn't!!!11) so the lady recommended this mask for me. One time my friend asked one of the employees if she should get the eyebrow razor or eyebrow tweezer and ironically the lady had a really bad case of UNIBROWWWWW. My cashier this time was also this lady who had noticeable acne all over her face. I just thought it was ironic of a store that sold skin products to have employees that contradict the products' purposes.. kekeke. 

GoldKiwi Premium Kit (Gift Set):
They gave these to the first 100 people who shopped at the store. The sign said they were open since Thanksgiving midnight and C&I had come like 12 hours later... kinda sad, but I'm glad I was able to get one of these hehe. I love freebies!!

As always, Skinfood gives some samples every time you purchase something.. I think that's why I keep coming back..!! (lol they didn't give me this much! these are all my collected samples that I have left) They also gave me a Skinfood pen this time, idk why... I really like their Black Sugar Mask so I try to preserve some of those samples kekeke. It leaves my skin really smooth. 

I'd say this Black Friday haul was pretty successful since I'm happy with everything I got *u*
I hope next year's Black Friday shopping will be even more fun.